Some Thoughts About Listening from Elaine

Listening skillfully is difficult. To listen impeccably, with fixed, full attention is a discipline much like meditation. It requires practice, rigor, and resolve. And when our efforts diminish, it may require forgiveness, gentleness, and sometimes a bit of creative inspiration to get ourselves back on track.

In Western culture listening has never been a prized pursuit. There will never be a Who’s Who in American Listening. To pursue the desire to become a master listener, “a listening warrior,” sort of speak, requires turning away from the dominant culture to explore paths few have chosen.

I have been given some sage advice over the years. One, in particular, received my attention because it was repeated by several different mentors: “teach what you most want to learn.” I wanted to learn about listening because it is vital to psychological and spiritual growth, and the skillful cultivation of it requires ongoing, disciplined practice.

A good listener will come away with many benefits. To mention a few:

• Uncover the skillful means to be more fully in the word, present and responsive, rather than distracted and reactive.
• Realize that listening is a practice, and a practice that takes practice, and being skillful does not require being perfect.
• Recognize and rectify the myriad ways the mind can close the ears.
• Find that listening skillfully nourishes others, and that we can teach others how to return that nourishment to us.
• Recognize that unskillful listening has a variety of causes, and with practice we can learn to distinguish and remedy them.
• Find the confirmation of the truth that words have power; and that listening can be accomplished in ways that channel words optimally, positively, and cooperatively.

When I practice the art and skill of good listening I acknowledge there is plenty of room available for the words and thoughts of others, space that can accommodate perspectives different from my own. The world is large enough to hold conflicting view-points, spacious enough for all of us to peacefully grown, learn and mature.

So the question I leave you with is: “Who might teach you valuable things about listening?”  Go to them and ask them to be your mentor, your teacher, so that you may develop this skill that will enrich your life beyond measure.

“It is the province of knowledge to speak. And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” Oliver Wendell Holmes

Dear VISTA Leaders,

Greetings!  It is with much gratitude and excitement I am sharing my first entry through our JEK Speak blog.  Here are some ingredients that you may want to add to the mix of your own leadership recipe.

As we know, the ability to foster and sustain effective interpersonal relationships goes hand-in-hand with being an effective leader.  Today, there are so many models and so much literature related to this theme in leadership and personnel management fields.  In my quest to gain more knowledge and skills in this aspect, I have read and explored several models and reviewed considerable literature.  As I was reflecting and learning from these materials several months ago, I couldn’t help noticing six key elements promoted by most of the models and the literature.  I have compiled them and listed them here for your reflection, intellectual inquiry, and practical adaptation:

Six Keys to Establishing and Facilitating Effective Interpersonal                                                                          Relationships

#1 Review, clarify, and agree on roles and responsibilities, mission purpose and project goals.

#2 Examine and discuss each other’s work and personality styles, goals, dreams, strengths, weaknesses, energy boosters, and energy zappers.

#3 Identify and mutually establish work expectations and norms.

#4 Examine and discuss each other’s communication styles and preferences.

#5 Identify communication expectations and establish a mutually agreed upon communication, feedback, and conflict resolution strategy.

#6 Make mutual commitment to adhere to the agreements related to expectations and strategies.  Additionally, on a regular basis, reevaluate them and make adjustments as necessary.

As you would notice, I have not prescribed any specific tool that you could use for the different steps (for example, using an assessment tool such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator for some aspects of Key # 2).  The reason is that there are so many tools, both free and purchasable out there, you could choose based on your own needs, accessibility and affordability.  However, I am encouraging you to share any instruments and tools that you have used and would recommend for the different steps listed above, using the comments feature below this blog entry.

Thank you all for your genuine passion and sincere commitment to making your VISTAs’ year of service both meaningful and a growth experience!

With much respect and gratitude,

Kapila Wewegama